Three movies in particular stand out to me. I hesitate to
call them new lows because they very well may be good (and I genuinely hope
they are), so let’s just call them firsts.
The aforementioned The Avengers is the first movie that audiences have already made
a down payment on. If you’ve seen both Iron Man films, The Incredible Hulk, Thor
and Captain America: The First Avenger and stuck around for all the Samuel L. Jackson cameos, you’re
practically contractually obligated to be excited for this movie. Marvel’s mega
tie-in has proven to be a major success from a business perspective, a
debatable success from a creative perspective and a little wearying from this
audience member’s perspective. You’re not going to be able to escape this one
so you might as well see it. At least that’s the way the geniuses at Marvel’s
marketing department seem to be pitching it.
On May 18 we have Battleship, based on the classic game of naval strategy from
Milton Bradley. (Go ahead and read that sentence again if you don’t believe
it.) The film, which looks as though it will feature Liam Neeson fighting off a
water-based Transformers invasion (not an inherently bad idea), will also be
the film debut of Rihanna (far from an inherently good idea). Disappointingly,
she did not contribute a theme song to the film. (Am I the only one who feels
“Baby, sink my battleship” would have made for a classic Rihannian innuendo?)
This is the first movie based on a plotless board game and will paradoxically
be cashing in on your recognition of the brand name while also trying to
convince you that adapting the game to the screen is not a very, very stupid
idea.
Then there’s The Amazing Spider-Man on July 3, not really a first as much as it is a new
record. Only five summers after the disappointing Spider-Man 3, we’re to be treated to a new take on the
photographer-turned-arachnid’s origins. Unnecessary? Of course. Excessive? Only
if you see it in 3D! But, boy, that Emma Stone sure is cute. Who wants to bet
whether or not Sam Jackson will mind his own business during the end credits of
this one?
That Hollywood can’t come up with any original ideas has
long been taken to be self-evident but the 2012 summer release schedule really
seems to be pushing it, don’t you think? And I haven’t even mentioned Tim
Burton’s recycling of the old TV show Dark Shadows, or Men in Black III, or Disney’s big-budget action treatment of Snow
White, or Christopher Nolan’s third Batman
movie, or the latest in the Madagascar, Ice Age and Bourne franchises. We even had a sort of preamble this year
with the 3D re-release of the ultimate summer blockbuster, Titanic (still great, by the way). How long can this
possibly go on for before things get better?
The answer is forever, the December apocalypse
notwithstanding. We’re living in the Golden Age of Movie Marketing.
Advertisement saturation can ensure that even the worst ideas will yield big
profits and movies like Battleship seem
to be cruelly testing the limits of marketing’s power this year.
But I’m not being fair to these movies. Summer blockbusters
have always been about making money. I’d be kidding myself if I tried to act
jaded and claim they’re not what they used to be. And yet, are they?
If all goes well, summer movies are a win-win for everyone.
Audiences love watching movie stars share the screen with special effects.
Studio executives and filmmakers love that we love said stars and effects, and
will spend our money to see them. And movie theater owners are happy to know
that paying the air conditioning bill is still worthwhile.
What happens though when one of those groups is no longer as
satisfied as the rest? What happens when quality stops being relevant and the
movies start to suck? Apparently we still see them. Studios know we want big,
loud, dumb (BLD) summer movies and will see them every summer even when the
choices are slim pickings.
Is there nothing we can do about this? Are we doomed to
obediently buy a ticket to every movie that studios want us to? Must we sit
through endless hours of mediocrity or worse until we can no longer distinguish
the good from the merely loud? Can’t we still enjoy ourselves at the movies
this summer without succumbing to the conglomerate will of the powers that be?
Or must we become hardened cynics who grumble until the end of days through a
mouthful of popcorn about the way the movies used to be? Isn’t there another
way?
Rest easy. There is.
The current state of the summer blockbuster has driven me
(and I imagine many others) to a breaking point. I love BLD summer movies but
it’s hard not to become disenchanted in times like this. So here are the
questions I will be asking in order to stay sane this summer even as the hammer
of Thor attempts to bash us all into passive submission:
1) Does this film care if I like it, or is it just trying to
nab my cash on a weekend between superhero movies?
2) It doesn’t matter if a movie didn’t need to happen. Good
movies can arise from bad ideas. Stranger things have happened. Given the
circumstances, did the filmmakers shoot a decent movie, or was the bottom line
more important?
3) Was anyone not invited to be in The Expendables 2? (Nick Fury, if nothing else, is a more selective
recruiter.)
Here’s hoping summer 2012 is a good one for the movies.
There are even alternative options to the above, including a handful of original concepts that seem promising. And if all else fails, you can
always duck into an art house playing the new Wes Anderson movie. At least,
that’s my Plan C.
- Steve Avigliano, 5/2/12
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