REVIEW: Pain & Gain

Pain & Gain (2013): Dir. Michael Bay. Written by: Christopher Markus and Stephen Feely. Based on the magazine articles by Pete Collins. Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub, Ed Harris and Rebel Wilson. Rated R (Brawn, boobs and bad words). Running time: 129 minutes.

2 ½ stars (out of four)

There’s a good satire somewhere in Pain & Gain, a based-on-a-true-story (loosely) crime caper about three bodybuilders who kidnap a filthy rich sonofabitch and steal all his money and assets.

The mastermind of the operation is Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), a personal trainer at a Miami gym who sees a deserving victim in Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub), a high-rolling client. Kershaw is a grade-A asshole. He doesn’t appreciate what he has. So says Lugo, at least. If someone were to rob the guy, there’s no question he’d have it coming. Following a tough-love motivational seminar from a dubious authority named Johnny Wu (Ken Jeong), Lugo becomes convinced that the only way to get what you want in life is to be a doer. Getting what you want is, after all, the American Dream. He hatches a plan.

His pal and fellow employee at the gym, Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie), is down for it. Doorbal has just come back from the doctor where he found out his steroid use has made him impotent. There’s a cure, a serum injected directly into the penis, but it’s expensive. Maybe a kidnap-and-robbery heist is exactly what he needs.

But they need one more guy if this tricky scheme is going to come to fruition. Enter Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson), an ex-convict and former coke addict with a chest as wide as a pick-up truck. Doyle is going to take some convincing. In prison, he found God and reformed his life. He cut out booze and drugs, and now preaches the word of the Lord. Doyle believes in second chances, another proud American principle. Old habits die hard though and for reasons that are neither convincing nor entirely clear, ­­­Doyle joins the team.

The only hitch in this trio’s plan is, of course, that they’re all idiots. The kidnapping is amateurish and sloppy but – astonishingly – they pull it off. That's when the real trouble starts. These scenes have a lot of comic potential and though the film gets its share of laughs, director Michael Bay does not have the light touch and deft comedic timing to get the most out of a good script. He doesn’t always give the space for a joke to land and I wonder what this film might have been like in the hands of a director who knew how to milk the material for everything it was worth. The scenes don’t have time to breathe; Mr. Bay hurries things along, spending more time on action than on the witty banter between the crooks, which should have been at the heart of this movie.

Michael Bay’s flashy style gets in the way too. The script by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely has bite but by amping up the energy at every possible moment, Mr. Bay misses opportunities to dig into his character’s inept interpretations of the American Dream. The superficiality of Doyle’s born-again religious transformation, Doorbal’s obsession with his shlong, and the whole group’s fixation on body image are all ripe with satirical potential but the movie is not interested in pursuing or exploring these ideas. It prefers instead to indulge in the more shallow pleasures of a good chase scene (and there are a few pretty good ones here). The movie is too juiced up for its own good.

But Pain & Gain does show off the comedic skills of its stars, particularly Dwayne Johnson whose nimble work as a heavyweight dunce is a lot of fun. Rebel Wilson as Robin, Doorbal’s girlfriend, admirably checks off the film’s dirty jokes box, and Tony Shalhoub is excellent as the mean and nasty love-to-hate-him victim. Ed Harris also makes a welcome appearance late in the film as a private detective. Anchoring the cast is Mark Wahlberg, who is capable of effortlessly shifting gears from action hero to comedian. He is an impressive physical specimen in this movie but remains an endearing and likable everyman.

Too bad that the skills of this cast are held back by their director. A more subtle filmmaker than Michael Bay might have really let them rip but what can you do? The characters in Pain & Gain are always talking about the importance of getting what you want but sometimes you have to settle for what you’ve got.

- Steve Avigliano, 5/2/13