REVIEW: New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve (2011): Dir. Garry Marshall. Written by: Katherine Fugate. Starring: Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Abigail Breslin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, Héctor Elizondo, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Seth Myers, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Til Schweiger, Hilary Swank and Sofía Vergara. Rated PG-13 (Some language and sexual remarks). Running time: 118 minutes.

1 star (out of four)

New Year’s Eve is like a commercial without a product to sell. Which is a shame, really, because it feels like a good opportunity for Ashton Kutcher to pose with his Nikon.

The movie follows more than a dozen different characters in New York City as they send off 2011 with no shortage of style or heartfelt monologues, mostly congregating in or around Times Square for the ball drop at midnight. The huge ensemble cast is a gimmick though, a stunt I will concede is impressive as an exercise in unabashed excess. “How will all these people ever fit in one movie?” we ask.

The simple answer is that they don’t, or at least director Garry Marshall and screenwriter Katherine Fugate are incapable of doing anything more with these actors than throwing them together in a jumbled, disorderly mess. The film cuts between its storylines with little narrative rhyme or reason; its scenes appear to have been ordered arbitrarily. The movie may as well have been edited by an iPod shuffle.

Mathematically speaking, cramming all these people into a single two-hour film means nobody gets much more than fifteen minutes of screen time apiece. (Feel free to check my math on that one.) A number of the minor characters receive considerably less. So as an actor strapped for time, you better spit out that expository dialogue quick before your scene gets cut short.

For expediency’s sake, it helps too if the storylines eschew originality and just borrow vague ideas and setups from romantic comedies past. Katherine Heigl is in Desperate Damsel mode (a cakewalk for her by now) as the head chef in possibly the least busy restaurant kitchen in movie history. Where else but in the Heiglverse does a professional caterer on New Year’s Eve have the time to throw a temper tantrum (and eggs) with her sous chef Sofía Vergara in between idle chats with a former lover played by none other than Jon Bon Jovi?

Zac Efron, meanwhile, helps Michelle Pfeiffer check off everything on her resolution list with a charm that might have made a young John Cusack (unfortunately not present) jealous. The handsome Josh Duhamel seeks to reconnect with a woman he met last New Year’s and agreed to meet again tonight at the same café. A typically frantic Sarah Jessica Parker struggles to keep her daughter Abigail Breslin from leaving the nest too soon. And Ashton Kutcher, a certified New Year’s cynic, gets trapped in an elevator with Glee star Lea Michele, who, fear not, is given ample opportunities to sing.

Robert De Niro appears as a man on life support, a bit of casting that feels like a cruel joke, and Halle Berry plays his nurse, refusing to allow his dying request to watch the ball drop from the hospital roof. In another strange pairing of actors, Hilary Swank grapples with her new position overseeing the Times Square festivities while her security officer, a comatose Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, stands around and provides occasional comfort. (Between this and his equally out-of-place appearance in No Strings Attached earlier this year, Bridges’s New Year’s resolution should be to find a new agent.) In a late-film appearance as a electrician, Héctor Elizondo nearly redeems the whole bloated affair but a prime opportunity for slapstick (he gets stuck briefly atop the ball) is left oddly untouched.

In perhaps the film’s most improbable storyline, an expecting young couple, Jessica Biel and Seth Myers, race to win a hospital’s $25,000 prize for birthing the first child of the New Year. These scenes have potential for screwball comedy but Myers, who has the acting chops of Jerry Seinfeld, and Biel don’t have a clue what to do with the material. As an eastern European man also vying for the cash prize, Til Schweiger gets a few laughs but the comedy is otherwise dead in the water.

All of these characters crowd the screen in competition for our affection but none are even half developed enough to elicit anything in the way of audience sympathy. The characters are so dull and lifeless I found myself wishing Ryan Seacrest’s cameo had been expanded into a full storyline. He at least understands how to make drivel pass as entertainment, having essentially made a whole career out of it.

The most revealing moment in the movie is in the end credits during the requisite blooper reel of line flubs and cast pranks. We see Jessica Biel in labor as her doctor (Carla Gugino) pulls out not a baby but a copy of Valentine’s Day (the similarly structured previous feature from Mr. Marshall) on Blu-Ray from Biel’s vagina. It’s a sort of perverse, self-congratulatory joke that makes me think Mr. Marshall has nothing but a cynical, bottom line attitude towards the whole production. The inevitable profit from this film’s box office and subsequent DVD release will no doubt sustain him until he pops out another holiday-themed piece of junk next year. So New Year’s Eve really is a commercial after all. And it doesn’t even have the decency to try and sell us anything.

- Steve Avigliano, 12/12/11

REVIEW: Limitless

Limitless (2011): Dir. Neil Burger. Written by: Leslie Dixon, based on the novel, The Dark Fields, by Alan Glynn. Starring: Bradley Cooper, Abbie Cornish, Robert DeNiro, Andrew Howard, Johnny Whitworth and Tomas Arana. Rated PG-13 (thematic material involving a drug, violence including disturbing images, sexuality and language). Running time: 105 minutes.

2 ½ stars (out of four)

You know how they say we only use twenty percent of our brains? A new, experimental drug called NZT-48 offers you the ability to access all one hundred percent, explains a character in Limitless. All those little bits of half-forgotten information that float through our subconscious are suddenly accessible. You can become fluent in entire languages just by giving a cursory listen to an instructional tape.

According to Wikipedia, that bit about our brains is a myth, but regardless, this is the conceit Limitless, the new thriller starring Bradley Cooper, rests on. The film is clever about its phony science though, and invites viewers not think too much about its plot, even while its hero is thinking overtime.

Cooper plays Eddie Morra, a science fiction writer whose life is in shambles. His girlfriend (Abbie Cornish) dumps him because he can’t get it together. The deadline for his novel is fast approaching and he hasn’t written a word. When his former brother-in-law (Johnny Whitworth) tells him about a pill that will cure his writer’s block, he gives it a shot. What does he have to lose?

The pill works like an extreme Adderall, giving him the focus to finish his novel in four days. But its power doesn’t stop there. On the drug, he has the capability to absorb information at lightning speeds. After one day of studying stock exchange trends, he becomes a Wall Street superstar. And how else should he use his newfound brainpower but for the pursuit of sensual pleasures? One day he’s loafing around his dirty apartment, the next he’s cliff diving and mingling with the cultural elite. No wonder his girlfriend takes a new interest him.

Naturally, Eddie’s sudden success catches a few people’s eyes. There’s an influential business tycoon (Robert De Niro in a now-typical supporting role for the actor), a Russian loan shark (Andrew Howard) and a mysterious stalker (Tomas Arana). We also learn that there is a darker side to taking the pill, which gives the film a dash of Hitchcockian flair. The story twists and turns more than one might expect and the film mostly remembers to tie up all the loose ends. When the credits roll there are a few unanswered questions and if the ending isn’t quite a cheat, it’s certainly lazy.

Still, Limitless moves by at a brisk pace and offers its share of pleasures. As the wily Russian, Andrew Howard is a delight, appearing when we least expect him and chewing up the scenery real good. The film is often also quite funny and is clever in its presentation of the miracle drug. When Eddie is called upon to fight some thugs in the subway, we see how dusty memories of Bruce Lee movies emerge from the recesses of his mind to teach him martial arts. That this particular scene isn’t nearly as goofy as it sounds is a testament to the film’s style, which is as flashy as Eddie’s new lifestyle. Director Neil Burger gives the movie a number of clever, visual touches to bring us inside his hero’s drug-induced super-mind.

Bradley Cooper is great aid to the film and a strong choice for the lead. He’s charismatic enough to stay likable in the character’s most arrogant moments, but he has an inherent everyman quality that makes him relatable as well. Cooper is believable as an ill-groomed slacker in the film’s early scenes and equally convincing as a self-assured playboy after the pill’s effects take hold.

Unfortunately, Limitless isn’t quite as brilliant as its protagonist. The unnecessary voice-over narration, funny though it is at times, tends to over explain the plot. There are also a few wasted opportunities for strong supporting characters. Abbie Cornish isn’t given much to do as the beautiful girlfriend and despite Robert De Niro’s presence as the powerful entrepreneur, there is little memorable about the character or his performance.

The implications of a pill that can make you a genius are vast and there are a number of ways in which the plot of Limitless could have gone. Eddie mentions in the voice-over that he wants to change the world with his powers. Exactly how, he never says. Mostly he seems to be enjoying the good life and the film indulges in his fantasies, making Limitless an exciting, if decidedly limited, piece of entertainment.

- Steve Avigliano, 3/25/11

REVIEW: Machete

Machete (2010): Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis. Written by Robert Roderiguez and Alvaro Rodriguez. Starring Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Michelle Roderiguez, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnston, Jessica Alba and Robert DeNiro. Rated R (strong bloody violence throughout, language, some sexual content and nudity). Running time: 105 minutes.

3 ½ stars (out of four)

When the exploitation throwback double-feature Grindhouse came out in 2007, you got the sense that co-directors Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino were making the movie for themselves. They had seen countless schlocky B-grade and lower horror and action flicks in their youth and they longed for a day when such films could be appreciated again and maybe even return to cinemas. The final result was an over three-hour trip down their own memory lane, complete with fake trailers for upcoming releases that didn’t exist. The highlight of those faux-trailers was Machete, the story of a Mexican vigilante (Danny Trejo) with a penchant for the titular weapon.

Now Robert Rodriguez, along with his co-director Ethan Maniquis, have made that movie, even going so far as to insert most of the footage from the original trailer into the feature-length version. While Grindhouse had occasional moments of brilliance, it was also a good deal self-indulgent, but Machete doesn’t have that problem, partly because its allowed to exist on its own, free from the earlier gimmick and the double-feature running time. Machete commits to its exploitation roots more than either of those earlier Grindhouse features, and is more fun then them too.

Much of the film’s success rests with Danny Trejo as the title character. His performance is so commanding, it was already a classic three years ago in that first trailer. He’s the kind of unstoppable action hero where all questions (“How did he do that?” “How will he survive this one?” “Why does every woman want to sleep with him?”) are answered the same way: Because he’s Machete, duh. Trejo, who might have less lines of dialogue than most of the supporting characters, stomps around the film stone-faced, blade in hand. His mustache is curved in such a way as to give him the look of wearing a perpetual frown, and his face is riddled with scars from a lifetime of fighting. Trejo is so comfortable onscreen, it’s as though this is his fifth Machete feature.

In the full-length movie, Robert Rodriguez and his co-writer and cousin Álvaro Rodriguez give Machete a political agenda too. After losing his wife and daughter at the hands of the drug kingpin Torrez (Steven Seagal), Machete becomes a day laborer along the Texas/Mexico border where deportation is a constant threat for workers. There he befriends Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) who owns a popular taco truck and might just be the mysterious Latino vigilante, Shé (the accent is added over the ‘e’ for an extra nudge and a wink). Shé is said to have helped countless immigrants cross the border and so Luz’s taco truck is under the close watch of Sartana (Jessica Alba), an immigration officer looking to shut down the covert operation.

Looming large over them all is Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) who is running for reelection under a campaign that highlights a staunch opposition to immigrant rights. He wants to kick everyone out of the state who doesn’t speak English and build an electric fence along the border. Machete, meanwhile, is recruited by a man named Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey), a man who wears a nice suit, drives a limo and has some money to throw around. He wants Machete to assassinate the Senator. Of course, nothing is as simple as it seems and Machete quickly finds himself at the center of a larger conspiracy, one that may even go back to his old nemesis, Torrez.

While Trejo gets most of the glory here, Machete is populated with rich supporting characters. The indispensable Jeff Fahey is utterly convincing even in the film’s most absurd moments and Michelle Rodriguez is a lot of fun to watch in the gun-toting, skin-showing badass chick role. Alba, who has never been much of an actress, is perfectly suited to a role that requires her to look amazing at all times and occasionally scrunch her face when she’s working things out. De Niro’s character starts as an extended cameo and soon becomes a game to see how many ridiculous things the film make can the legendary actor do (a lot, is the answer). Steven Seagal camps it up as the archenemy and gets some deserved laughs, Lindsay Lohan shows up as the promiscuous daughter of Booth, Don Johnston is a militaristic border cop, and Cheech Marin reprises his role from the trailer as the priest who owns a pair of shotguns. 

Machete falls under the neo-exploitation genre that started with Grindhouse and here Rodriguez gives us another nostalgic tribute to a kind of movie that maybe never quite existed in the first place, at least not as he remembers it. No exploitation flick could have ever delivered the consistent entertainment offered here and so Machete functions as an action parody while remaining its own beast. This is a gleefully silly movie crafted for a niche audience and it succeeds in its goals, even compared to Grindhouse. The violence is excessive and wildly inventive, characters talk in corny exposition and cornier one-liners, and the editing has a deliberate sloppiness in certain scenes. The film plays everything for a laugh and yet somehow manages to deliver better action scenes than most major blockbusters even in its goofiest moments.

Near the end of the film, there’s an ingenious scene where a group of armed henchmen get together and discuss their thankless jobs. They’ve all been beaten, shot or stabbed by Machete and they wonder if it’s really worth it. “I’ve been watching the boss,” one says, “And to be honest, he seems like a schmuck.” It’s a conversation moviegoers have been waiting for years for nameless henchmen to have. Action aficionados and movie buffs alike have always wanted a movie like this, whether they knew it or not – one that recognizes its absurdity and only revels in its slashings and explosions all the more. Robert Rodriguez offers Machete like a present to those anticipating fans. He’s rewriting film history and giving exploitation flicks a better name than they ever could have made for themselves.

- Steve Avigliano, 9/3/10