2 stars (out of four)
The Lone Ranger is
two-and-a-half hours long. If you’re wondering why an action reboot of a 1950s
TV show (itself based on a 1930s radio serial) needs to be so long, you may
find enlightening the fact that the director, Gore Verbinski, is the man who
squeezed a total of seven hours and forty-three minutes’ worth of high seas adventures out of an eight-and-a-half minute theme park ride.
In all fairness, there are a few sequences in The Lone
Ranger that gallop along with such jubilant
energy you may be willing to forgive the bloated excesses of the film, which
too often feels as though it is wading through molasses.
The best of these scenes is the climactic fight on a pair of
speeding trains on parallel tracks. Set to the triumphant march of the William Tell Overture (the TV show’s theme), the battle adheres to Looney Tunes laws of
physics and is an absolute thrill, though figuring out what exactly is
happening and why might prove difficult. The scene is the climax of a jumbled
and needlessly complicated plot and features no less than a half dozen
participants. But as long as our heroes keep leaping, swinging and dueling,
nothing matters except the chugga-chugga-choo-choo nonsense of the action.
During the film’s quieter passages, however, it is hard to
muster much enthusiasm for the characters who populate this wild west world or
understand their murky motivations. You know a script is weak when you’ve got
Tom Wilkinson playing a corrupt politician, Barry Pepper as a mustachioed Army officer and Helena Bonham Carter as a one-legged prostitute, and your mind
still wanders during the exposition.
But credit should be given to Armie Hammer who, it turns
out, has charisma to match the impressive bone structure of his chiseled jawline.
He is likable as John Reid, the dopey lawyer-turned-vigilante of the film’s
title. He seeks to bring to justice (not revenge) to his brother’s cannibalistic
murderer (William Fichtner, chewing the scenery and at least one man’s
cardiovascular organ).
Getting just as much if not more screen time is Johnny Depp
as Tonto, the wise-but-dumb Injun sidekick to the Lone Ranger. Tonto talks in
fortune cookie phraseology and practices all kinds of goofy hokum, trying the
Lone Ranger's patience and very often saving their skin. The character, a
mostly inoffensive caricature rooted in decades’ old stereotypes, is a jokester
who pokes fun at the white man’s hypocritical ways and acts as a catalyst for
much of the film’s action. Johnny Depp, a gifted comedic actor, has a lot of
fun with the role.
There’s a weeping damsel too who I very nearly forgot to
mention. Rebecca (Ruth Wilson) is the widowed wife of the slain brother and
(naturally) a romantic interest for the Lone Ranger. Keeping with the sexist
traditions of the genre, the movie uses her as a prop. She spends half her
screen time wringing her hands, gripping a scarf and holding back
tears.
The Lone Ranger is a
genial, good-natured waste of time, as pleasant as it is forgettable. And if
you see it on a hot day, you’re guaranteed to get your money’s worth of air
conditioning.
- Steve Avigliano, 7/8/13
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